i wonder... am i making connections with students here that they will carry with them as they move on in life? 

http://luxy00.livejournal.com/144513.html

It's been super long since i've even looked at this list.  sadly, I can only make updates about 3 items. 

#64 - visit graceland.  it was cool to see it. much smaller than i expected, however it was as wierd as i expected. mirrors on the ceiling, ceramic owls everywhere. memphis is a little run down.  glad that i got to see it. 

#84 - i'm just taking this off the list because i really can not do it.  i just really do not want to spend that much time with her.  when i made this list i guess i was a little more optimistic about the friendship that could be cultivated with her.  it's a lost cause.

#93 - guess who's coming to dinner - GREAT!


I'd love to focus more on this list... along with a handful of other things.  does everyone else always feel like a work in progress?  i suppose that's how we're supposed to feel. 

http://luxy00.livejournal.com/144513.html


I hadn't really looked at or even thought about my list in a long time, until the last couple of weeks. I've been thinking about it and finally re-read it tonight. surprisingly, i need to update what i've completed.... i didn't think there would be anything I could mark of the list.

16. give blood (attempt #1 unsuccessful 11.2.05) - i was finally able to donate on 4/12. my iron level was barely above hte minimum required but I made it. I now have my donor card and know that my blood type is A-. Go Me!

35. get a new york public library card and use it - halfway done. you can now apply for a card online, so that's what i did. The card came in the mail last week and now i just have to go and use it. Not sure when that'll happen... but it will. :-)

64. visit graceland - not completed, but will be in July. Brooke and I are taking a roadtrip this summer, part of which includes memphis and nashville.

66. get a haircut and wear my hair down 1/2 the time instead of NEVER for a month to start - Andrew cut my hair on St. Patrick's Day. Since then I have been wearing it down like 3 times a week. It's still a work in progress, my hair, but i'm making changes and i love it. with the summer coming i am considering going super short.

78. cook the turkey that is in my freezer - i can not cook said turkey. it's been in there for two years i think. i've consulted with some folks (my parents) and both agree that it would not be a great idea to cook the bird. So, i'm going to have to trow her out.

88. A Prayer for Owen Meany - John Irving - great book. really enjoyed it. my literarly love affair with Irving will continue when i finish all the Bette Davis books i recently got on amazon.

100. bungee jump in an effort to lose me fear of heights - okay, i am considering changing this item. In two weeks i am going to a trapeze class with Brooke. we both decided that we wanted to do it for our birthdays. so, in terms of me dealing with my fear of heights, i think trapeze will help just as much. i'd still like to bungee jump sometime for fun, if after the trapezing, i feel okay with the heights thing. we'll see.

also, i have confirmed with the new school that i will begin my program in the Fall of '06 - meaning september. So, i'm biting the bullet on that one even though i'm super scared and nervous.

I have been writing in my paper journal some, but not with the same amount of frequency i did when i was in school. just trying to go with the flow.

paper journaling... i'm think i'm going back.

first of all, i need it to NOT be snowing right now. Please. someone who has control of these things... do something. I have en event tomorrow... it's called Rite of Spring! and it's supposed to be a little like spring time.

But seriously...

i was sitting in a meeting this morning.. something that i have every week that pretty boring. But i started to look around the room at the people sitting at the table... and really started to feel like everyone is so organized and capable and ACTIVE in their jobs. I'm not so sure that I am... ACTIVE that is. I do my job, i go from task to task. I try to stay pretty on top of things. I fall short of that sometimes. But, i feel like i'm not active in developing my career through opportunities that are presented to me... or, taking it further, developing those opportuinities for myself.

So many thoughts are going through my head.. and more and more i'm leaning towards some kind of therapy for myself... because really this whole idea of activity/in-activity bleeds from work into other areas....

this week is crazy... i've had good times with Brooke and Carolyn due to impromptu hangs... but i've also been running around for rite of spring picking up permits and other random stuff. tonight was supposed to be family dinner, but i canceled it.... Luckily I get friday off to balance out the insanity.

for the first time in years i listened to that tape that i made for andy during the summer break before we moved in together. it was right after i confessed my love for him and things were left unresolved. i remember making the tape... i remember writing a letter... but then he told me that he never got it. I thought it was lost in the mail... and maybe it was just as well. we moved in together and that year was rough... full of stupid decisions and unhappiness all around.

Turns out the tape wasn't lost in that mail at all. he got it. infact, he still has it. he told me this today. it's not really a big deal.... it's just strange. we listened to the tape while playing scrabble with brooke. semi embarrasing... but mostly it just made me all nostalgic. those feelins are obviously gone... but just thinking back to the way that i felt then and what i've felt since then... while i did make stupid decisions concerning andy, i don't regret anything. everything that happened feels like it was supposed to happen... on the way to now.

tonight, i got home at like 9:30, realized i forgot to pick up some hair styling products on my after work shopping trip... but i'd already taken off my clothes. So, rather that just put my regular clothes back on I put on my fat pants, under my cotton nighty thing and pulled on the old Duke sweatshirt i have from eons ago. I wrapped my scarf around my neck, put on my ipod and big black puffy coat and walked to the CVS.

the sweatshirt made me think of Suman... otherwise known as the Duke Boy to most of my friends. I haven't spoken to, chatted with or emailed him since thanksgiving... which was apparently the end of our affair, so to speak. It's strange... how things ended up. And well, i'm not going to let it go, so as soon as i find the time I will be sending him an email. So, if you're reading this Suman... keep your eyes on your inbox, okay?

during the walk i listened to Mmm Bop by hanson. it is a guilty pleasure of mine. it actually made me skip once or twice... and well, i think i could do with some skipping in my life every now and then. also on ipod rotation currently is Shakira's my hips don't lie... great song, love it, wanna dance to it in a club somewhere... she is so sexy. Jack Johnson makes an appearance, as does Jack's Mannequin.

i crossed the street at 7th ave and 9th... and i looked up to the sky and saw stars. and i thought to myself "this is why i love brooklyn... you can see the stars here, when you're walking alone to the drug store on a clear night." and i thought about moving into the city and how it's make things like getting to the gym and doing more stuff with my peeps easier... but the stars, what about them?

i walked home thinking about why i'm not as happy a person as i'd like to be. and well, my thoughts ran to college and how i was happy there... and maybe it was because i had all of these close friendships with people like Robert, Andy, Stacey... and i was part of a larger group that included Chuck, Kevin, David, eventually Derek... we always had a good time, even when we were fighting. I put a lot of effort into those friendships... and now, well, my efforts have waned. I want that back...

today i went here: B M A

to see: A Retrospective

and listen to: Some Music

Mr. Wegman is a busy man these days. three solo exhibitions going on right now; another to begin next week. i love the photos of the Weimeraners... but his paintings with the post cards are really vibrant, detailed, whimsical.  

My favorite photograph is: Lolita

the pose... the way she is laying there... very human.  and the expression on her face....  i want to buy a print of this to hang in my bedroom.

a couple of other favorites are Rising, 1987, Soft Pink, 1997 (can't find images anywhere on the net) and Eyewear, 1994

On saturday I made: This traditional Irish dish

during the making i was very skeptical.  it was my first time cooking with leeks and cabbage.... but it turned out really well and everyone at the Pot Luck of the Irish party enjoyed it. 

Also.... Andrew cut my hair on friday afternoon (i'm happily surprised with the results) and 

we saw:  A Cool Chick & her Band 

play some tunes at the Living Room.   

Good times, good times.

these days my life seems really full. I don't know how people manage with a bazillion different friends. i have a handful of people i really care about, and i don't have enough days in the week to have qt time with everyone. how about a person by person update...

Brooke - i made up with her this afternoon. she was pissed because i bailed on her st. patty's day gathering because i was hanging out with Andrew. i left her an i'm sorry message. she called back to tell me that NO ONE showed up to help her celebrate and as she's leaving the resturant she found out that her grandmother died. JESUS! i picked the wrong time to be bad friend. so i suck. but we're okay... and i'll make it up to her some how.

Andrew - we're grand. i think i've said it a million times before... but we just fit, he and i. we balance. i love it. he cut my hair yesterday... that's how much i trust him.

yeah okay... i'm boring myself with this.

left to my own devices... i am lazy. i can easily lay around in my jammies until the sun goes down watching movies and eating. As evidenced by the current state of my body. It's a royal mess. i don't really know what it will take for me to have some sort of dedication to a healthy lifestyle. i can't seem to find a balance there at all. it's all or nothing.. which isn't healthy at all. i'm promising myself to go to the gym three days a week. it's realistic and will allow me to plan other things as well. next week it's monday, wednesday, friday. tuesday is family dinner with andrew, thursday i have to work late. saturday is misShapes.

ehhhh............booooored.......